Of sociocracy, storytelling & permaculture
After a bumpy journey of over 2 years trying to start an intentional community in the countryside, I find myself again at the edge of a new cliff. As I am typing, I look outside the window of a Brussels apartment and wonder what am I doing again in this city, with no return ticket to Italy.
It's tough and exciting and a bit bewildering... having, again, to reinvent myself. Since I decided that "money is not an issue for me" and that I wanna live an intentional life, it happened several times to me to be lost. To wonder if I am "good enough" to be a free man. Or to doubt about something that only a few months before was a conviction.
And the answer was always "no", I have no idea of what I am doing. No, I don't have the emotional, communication or even practical skills to be myself fully. No, I am not able to take coherent decisions to build something with my life. What a shame. What a loss.
But there was always a tiny but distinctive voice in the background. Yes, I am following my guiding values and improving them as I clash with reality. Yes, I am doing stuff with the imperfect skill level that I have. Yes, I am starting to understand who I am and what defines me. There is some solid rock down there. And there my mind opens, and starts burning wildly, shreds of shining ashes flying all over and the world around glimmering with light. I have to many leads, too many ideas, too many things I wanna learn... And I get lost, damn, so lost.
That's were I am.
I am a heap of half baked thoughts that never become a decent blog post. A grain of dust carried around by the wind. A lone wolf staring into a screen.
Here is when we go back to the title of this post, to the guiding lights in my life right now:
Storytelling: I like stories and I think I have a knack for creating them, tough I am still bad at delivery. They are the "salt" of life, the fun way to capture something in the air and make it permanent. Only becoming good at stories can I unleash my creativity and evolve as a person, reflecting on my past. This comes with the added benefit that their are an excellent way to interact more deeply with others, too. We are constantly telling stories every time we communicate, anyway, so why not doing that well?
Permaculture: I don't see the point of being in a city apartment shitting into water. Yesterday I realized I cannot even stand anymore throwing away hazelnut husks or food residues. On the other hand I feel pleasure pressing my broadfork into the ground and pouring cartloads of hay on the soil. And looking at the state of the soil, year on year, finding more life. Harvesting healthy veggies which required minimal but caring work. Cutting wood by hand and building up beautiful stacks. Tending to fruit trees. This is the life I wanna live, and I must make space for it.
Sociocracy: I wanna be part of something larger than me, with a group of people sharing similar values and aims. I realized that we're all not ready, though. We may have good will but we lack the skills. Here the paradox: in the very context where we want to value everyone's needs, an ineffective process leaves decisions untaken and meets unmet. After years of frustration trying to work and take decisions as peers in a group, I came across sociocracy and got struck by such a transformative system for collective governance. I want to learn it, to master it, to be involved in sociocratic groups!
Well, this is all I know about my life, right now.
How will it play out, only time will tell. Time to play cards with fate, once again.
